Best Wit Quotes to Inspire, Uplift & Motivate You Every Day

“Soar with wit. Conquer with dignity. Handle with care.”

“Biologists are diligently unraveling the mystery of how such formidable creatures like dinosaurs vanished from the face of the Earth. Meanwhile, our Maulvi has already solved the enigma—turns out, the dinosaurs were simply guilty of insubordination. Science, take notes.”

“Humor is the quiet spark that lights even the darkest moments, reminding us that laughter is the soul’s gentle rebellion.”

“What good is it if they miss your face but not your mind?”

“When men have come to the edge of a precipice, it is the lover of life who has the spirit to leap backwards, and only the pessimist who continues to believe in progress.”

“You can't fight hatred with hatred and expect anyone to listen to you. You can only try to lessen it with humor, wit, truth and commonsense. If that doesn't work run like hell, while they throw rocks at you.”

“Vivid simplicity is the articulation, the nature of genius. Wisdom is greater than intelligence; intelligence is greater than philosobabble.”

“Art is art. You can take it or leave it. Liking it or not liking it does not make you a better person, and who you like or dislike results in the same thing.”

“I did not know that mankind were suffering for want of gold. I have seen a little of it. I know that it is very malleable, but not so malleable as wit. A grain of gold will gild a great surface, but not so much as a grain of wisdom.”

“Snobbery might sometimes look cool, like smoking, but the end result is usually a repelling one.”

“I would rather be able to appreciate things I cannot have than to have things I am not able to appreciate.”

“I’ll admit, Jasnah, that I empathize with your skepticism, but I don’t agree with it. I just think you've been looking for God in the wrong places.”

“You can con God and get away with it, Granny said, if you do so with charm and wit. If you live your life with imagination and verve, God will play along just to see what outrageously entertaining thing you'll do next.”

“Darwinism teaches that whatever serves no purpose gradually perishes. The tail disappeared long ago; it seems that in some individuals, the brain has now taken an extended leave.”

“One says the things which one feels the need to say, and which the other will not understand: one speaks for oneself alone.”

“If you change who you are to suit other people, you may end up dressed for the wrong occasion”

“Digression is the soul of wit. Take the philosophic asides away from Dante, Milton or Hamlet's father's ghost and what stays is dry bones.”

“Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.”

“Enough about my beauty," Buttercup said. "Everybody always talks about how beautiful I am. I've got a mind, Westley. Talk about that.”

“Give the People what they want - and they'll get what they deserve.”

“Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.”

“Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently”

“I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.”

“Let me be clear. Last I was aware you were neither my husband nor my father nor my King. Therefore, any control you may imagine you hold over me is just that- imaginary”

“Yeah you can have a word," said Harry savagely. "Good-bye.”

“Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?”

“There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and”

“On some days you get what you want, and on others, you get what you need.”

“Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.”

“Dearest creature in creation,”

“Do you like to slide?" His voice was eager.”

“Ack!" I said.”

“A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.”

“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”

“A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.”

“There’s a fine line between support and stalking and let’s all stay on the right side of that.”

“They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," Valkyrie said.”

“Why hasn't anyone killed him yet?”

“Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs.”

“I have only made this letter longer because I have not had the time to make it shorter.”

“Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.”

“I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.”