“I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond wom...” — Rita Rudner Quote

“I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.”

“I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.”

“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”