I just want to trust my feelings, and trust that my feelings are okay. I want to let myself feel the way that I feel with Riley. Like I'm an okay person—even a good one. That I'm loved and lovely the way I am, and that it's not a sin to feel happy and to love without reservation. I'm not sure where God and I will end up, but I know that I only want to be friends with God if God is... different than I've been taught. If I come back to God after all this and find that God is a kinder, more loving presence than the one I've known, great. And if God is more loving than I've been taught, then I think God would be okay with me needing some time to untangle this. I think God would want me to feel a shred of happiness. That is the
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