Inspirational Quotes by Darynda Jones — Words of Wisdom for Daily Success

“When life hands you lemons say,”

“In a moment of sheer terror, I realized I couldn't feel my brain. It was there just a minute ago. Maybe I really was dead. "Do I look dead to you?”

“My powers of persuasion are only as strong as the bullshit I have to back it up.”

“Sorry. i just can't seem to help myself. My brain is freaking out. Two predawn mornings in a row. It doesn't know what to think, how to act. I'll have a talk with it later. Perhaps get it some counseling.”

“You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.”

“I was never really certain why he scared the bejesus out of me. Nothing scared me growing up. I’ve been playing with dead people since the day I was born, so it’s good thing, yet the Big Bad scared me. Which brings me to the reason I called.”

“I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly.”

“His gaze slid over me like a veil of fire. He could ignite my deepest desires with a single glance. I decided right then and there no more reading romance novels by candelight.”

“At first, I could lie about my lack of sleep and she'd fall for it, but she started suspecting insomnia when I began seeing purple elephants in the air vents at the office. I knew I shouldn't have asked her about them. I thought maybe she'd redecorated.”

“Insanity does NOT run in my family. It strolls through, takes its time, and gets to know everyone personally. —T-SHIRT”

“Want coffee?" I asked, as I headed that way.”

“You know you have ADD when Look A chicken - T-shirt”

“I like to see the glass as half full, hopefully of jack daniels.”

“There is a great need for a sarcasm font.”

“After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?”

“I may not look like much, but I'm an expert at pretending to be a ninja.”

“My fore-parts, as you so ineloquently put it, have names.”

“Never knock on death's door. Ring the doorbell then run. He totally hates that.”